Great Conversion Story

Confessions of a Convert by Robert Hugh Benson

God is weaving the tapestry of life and using everything!

Dear children; With motherly perseverance and love I am bringing you the light of life to destroy the darkness of death in you. Do not reject me, my children. Stop and look within yourselves and see how sinful you are. Be aware of your sins and pray for forgiveness. My children, you do not desire to accept that you are weak and little, but you can be strong and great by doing God’s will. Give me your cleansed hearts that I may illuminate them with the light of life, my Son. Thank you.
Medjugorje message, November 2, 2010

I copied this utterly inspiring message from this blog. I am amazed at how pertinent this is to my life right now, in this very moment. I had my first day -- ever-- of physical therapy today and am really looking forward to working with Linnet, a young and capable woman, who has a plan to help me help myself to strengthen my body, especially my lower back. This commitment to physical therapy is itself the fruit of almost two years of monthly spiritual direction, one of the many gifts of my life in Regnum Christi.

I try hard to live a life filled with apostolic zeal and the daily perseverance required to live well (see Despite Lupus blog -- so good!) with a chronic illness is the same daily perseverance needed to pray well. I often do neither well. (I blog to reflect and to take time to count my blessings.) In my younger days, I was such a talker and loved to "think out loud," with a good friend. These days, I nearly crave silence, and I find that writing helps me get my thoughts out. I can put words to concerns and blessings. I can try to complain less and live more. I can stop and love the rich tapestry of life, even if my particular tapestry has lots of frayed spots!

I, by temperament (sanguine), am not one who likes to plan. I find it boring and would rather "fly by the seat of my pants". All my duties require flexibility, prudent spontaneity and, yes, lots of planning. Through the eyes and ears of faith, it is abundantly clear to me that I "cannot always get what I want but I just might find that I get what I need". I want to encourage myself and others to "work against themselves," meaning to dig hard and learn what it is that personally impedes LOVE. Through almost 10 years of living with "something like Lupus," I have found that I do not have to say "yes" to all the (perceived) needs and activities around me --that sounds anti-Gospel but HOLD ON...

I must say "yes" to Christ, "yes" to time in prayer, "yes" to interruptions and to duties, "yes" to a daily rhythm that leaves a calm and smiling face on this constantly tired and achy woman and "yes" to laughter and to tears. "Yes," my Lord, "yes," my Mother, I will stop and garner strength from the Holy Spirit, so that I am not sinking in to my lower nature, sinking in to the sin that potentially separates me from who God has created me to be. For me, making the commitment to Regnum Christi was a means to deepen my practice of the Catholic Faith. Living in the "ever ancient, ever fresh" daily routine of prayer and penance is to continually feel the providential hand of the most perfect and loving Blessed Trinity, Who has the answers to all the questions, even those questions that we do not, as yet, know exactly how to formulate.

God makes no mistakes. We are perfectly capable, in any and all circumstances, to be a conduit for His Love and His most glorious salvation. This makes even a tired person smile. I cannot express properly how humiliating life with chronic illness can be; at the same time, it is a great blessing to be able to stop and offer all of the physical and psychological pain for my own salvation and the salvation of others, as if it were a lovely pearl. This is the gift of suffering -- it is a time to open up, to share with those around you that THIS IS NOT ALL THERE IS. We are pilgrims. We are going somewhere and all of these exercises are preparations to draw us closer and closer to Him who is LOVE.

I have a dear friend who I have not seen in too long, and she used to tell me that God "wastes nothing and weaves everything!" (maybe from St. Paul?) It is so true. We ought to pause often throughout the day and think of Heaven. Heaven is, in some ways, as near as the beating of our hearts. Heaven is always challenging us to change -- to be better, holier and happier.

Our Lady, Queen of Peace, pray for us!

Fleeting thoughts...

I had a fleeting thought about "regrets" and want to try to catch it. The world's wisdom sometimes says, with a half joke, "I resolve to have no regrets!" Reality is that the resolve we need --for what are often our greatest achievements-- comes from our regrets. I can only sketch this out in very general terms. It is worth pondering. What motivates us, especially as we find ourselves slowing down in our 4os and 50s, to push ourselves out of our comfort zones? If God's Wisdom be our guide, then our regrets can be like money in the bank. Our regrets may be, and can be, the building blocks of our resolve. To what do we direct this resolution. We resolve to love and to love fruitfully. Got fruits?

Related to this -- a few years back, our pastor gave a fantastic homily on guilt. He debunked the "Catholic guilt" myth and said that there should be no such thing. Why? Because we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If I am not mistaken, this relatively new name was given to this powerhouse Sacrament because it is not just a confession of sin. After our confession, we receive Absolution. The grace that comes from sacramental absolution help us to see ourselves as God sees us. He knows us better than we know ourselves. We must depend on His grace utterly.

When I was in R.C.I.A., back in 1999-2000, I trembled a bit at the thought of my First Reconciliation. I was given the actual grace of not thinking about it too much, and, when it was over, and the days rolled in to weeks, I realized that, while I was full of regret for the years I had lost not being a Catholic, I was also full, to the point of overflowing, with relief and joy at the merciful gift of faith that I had received. I do not think a day goes by that I do not marvel at what the Blessed Trinity can do in a person.

...and she laid Him in a manger...

Today, the Solemn Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we will try hard to dig out our family's lovely Nativity scene. I am reading this and this to better prepare myself for the natural discussions and questions that will come as we place our figures around our home. Maybe, with careful planning, we can be ready to plant an Immaculate Conception rose bush out back next Advent 2010. Like lots of mothers who are converts, it is wonderful for me to make a file of traditional customs, crafts and songs that I want to add to our family's preparations for the most moving Feast of the Nativity. This excerpt below is from the Catholic Culture link -- so beautiful:

Why was Christ born? ...God loved man and He sent His Son as a tiny Baby. Get the children to think why He came as a baby. (We adults need to think of this too, SS.) They will think of good reasons. Lead them on to see that God wanted to be close to us, a little baby in our midst, because He loves us. One of His names, "Emmanuel," means God-with-us.

The point to make clear is that He came for love. Few people take in the fact vividly that God loves us, and that is, after all, the greatest fact of life. If He loves us, we love Him back. We don't want to displease Him. We thank Him for loving us, knowing that the love of God for us is something so great that we cannot even begin to be grateful enough.

The Mary Month of May

The Holy Father's Intentions for the Month of May 2009
General: That Christians may use literature, art and the media to greater advantage to favour a culture which defends and promotes the values of the human person.
Missionary: That just as she accompanied the Apostles in the early stages of the Church, may the Blessed Virgin Mary, Star of Evangelization and Queen of Apostles, continue to guide missionaries throughout the world with maternal affection.


Most who know me know that I converted to Catholicism when I was 33. Like many drawn to what the early Church called "The Way," I work out my salvation in fear (that is really awe) and trembling (my shaky "fallen flesh"). The move and adjusting has been harder than I thought, in some ways, and easier in ways that I did not expect. I just looked up the Holy Father's intentions for May and, in preparation for our homeschooling coop May Crowning, I am looking at the liturgy this month over here.



Lord Jesus, teach me how to evangelize. Help me to ask your Holy Mother more often to intercede for me, for my family and for the whole world.



I posted some photos here on "Uncontrolled Fits of Harmony," our hschool blog.

Learning to abandon ourselves "into his arms," like Paco...

A Prayer Request
I have been struggling with how to increase my prayers for two dear women, both wives and mothers, who are so ill --one with cancer, the other with MS. Both of these sisters in Christ are also homeschooling moms, and, at different times in our hschooling journey, were such sources of inspiration, strength and faith. I ask the Lord for pardon and peace for myself, and for grace, strength and healing for these dear mothers. I ask Mary's intercession, for her to pray for these families and their friends to be her Son's loving arms, His loving Heart.

Suffering Saves Souls
My husband, children, extended family and many friends went through a health crisis with me, with so many of its attendant hardships and struggles, from 2001-2005. In some ways, we are still feeling the aftershocks. I know in my head that, when our sufferings are offered to our Savior, He, in a mysterious way, allows us to help Him save souls. I also know, more in my heart, that our Lord gave us His Most Blessed Virgin Mother, to buoy us up in our darkest hours. Mary was there for me and my family in a way that I am just beginning to be able to articulate.

Inspiring Story

Yesterday morning, I was glacing at the article below and found a clue as to how we must unite our suffering with the salvation of souls, beginning with the pruning that happens to us personally. My friend Rachel gave me the audiobook on CD of the very popular novel, The Shack, yesterday; and, she was commenting on how the author of this book answers the perennial question most ask who lack faith, "How can God stand by and watch so much evil?" Some even take this further, and ask, "There must be no God for such evil to run rampant; God would stop it, right?"

Here is Paco's story.

Michael Davies and the gift of the Mass

My in-laws have quite alot of books. There are some shelves I have perused for years, and, as if they were just placed there (which they had not), were two tomes of the work of Michael Davies, British convert to Catholicism and such a lover of Christ and His Church. Well, speaking of converts, Alan Hunt, a once Presbyterian pastor, is speaking at St. Peter Chanel next week here in Roswell, and I'd like to go hear him.

When I have time, I'm going to try to download these MP3 talks of Davies.

Thank you for continuing to heal me, Lord!

Healing is seldom as straightforward as some would have it seem. Here is a lovely depiction of the thankful leper of today's Gospel. I am drawn to it because it expresses a grateful humility. I want to try harder to be more prayerful, quieter and more humble. I pay alot of lip service to redemptive suffering, and am living proof that it is hard to really, truly offer up our sufferings for the salvation of souls. These words of our Lord, from Luke 17, are medicine to our world-weary souls:

Stand up and go; your faith has saved you.

6 Random Facts

I was over here at my friend Sara's blog and am playing along:

1.) As a young girl, I often thought about getting married and having children. I grew jaded and bought into the American "dream" of money and a career. I found the singles life saping and discouraging and, frankly, thought I'd never marry. I wanted to get a PhD and get paid lots of money to read books and talk and write about them. I thought I might find some ground-breaking topic concerning women and history.

2.) When my husband and I were first married, we were in a dinner club with two other couples, all of us living "in town" Atlanta. We'd go out once a month, either to a restaurant or to a gourmet meal cooked at home. I will never forget the fennel-ladened perfume of a seafood stew made by friend Mary. She served it with pureed, roasted red peppers.

3.) This reminds me of all the lovely foodie movies I've seen, like Babette's Feast. Like Sara, I love movies; and, when I lived in Madrid, it was about exploring cuisine and, oddly, seeing lots of movies.

4.) Oh, and jazz. I love jazz and think I will put some on now to get us going this very chilly morning. I saw Miles Davis in Madrid. And, people think of Paris and jazz cafes, but they were all over Madrid, at least in the late 80's, when I lived there.

5.) By far, the best thing to happen to me was to meet my husband, settle down and have children. Becoming a mother was like fireworks for me. I had travelled alot, as a youth and young adult (Mexico, Europe, South and Central America, many US cities...), but the journey of family life has, beyond my wildest imaginings, been the most profoundly beautiful journey.

6.) Being a Catholic has helped me overcome, in part, my natural tendency to ingratitude. I think we live in an ungrateful culture. If everyone could feel the depth of God's sacrifice for humanity, there would be world peace. As a young "ivy-leaguer," I was a "bleeding heart liberal," meaning I pined for the suffering in the world and was young enough to think I might just stop it all, on my own, or, with a little help from my friends.

Thanks for this exercise, as 1.) I want to read and watch "the ultimate gift," and 2.) you blogging moms show my tired bones that it is time to perk up and save the world, one day at a time!

The Pope on an "education in goodness"

Here is a link to the big goal. The first 6 months we home educated, I postponed blogging and kept, instead, "Mom's Weekly Lesson Plan Journal", a spin-off of my time management style, which is to keep a monthly calendar on the fridge and write a weekly "to do" list, which would be modified daily by what was actually done, aka a "to done" list. When I was pregnant with Mags, my friend Jenny taught me this sanity saving device. If a mom gets too attached to her "to do" list, she risks being out of touch with the real and pressing needs of her children. Children of any age need to know that they are blessings to their families. I have longed chaffed against the idea that it is the job of the parents to keep their kids constantly active and entertained. One of the reasons we have a decline in large families is because we have so many high maintenance adults. Many in my generation were raised with too much too often. Too little or non-existent prayer is a disease in this country; there is no "education in goodness" without prayer.

Spa Shopping

Yesterday afternoon, my new friend, Sandra, from our TORCH group, and lovely mother of six girls, took it upon herself to have my three children to her home for play. The kids had a great time, and I shopped for two hours by myself. I went to the Natural Foods Warehouse and Publix, and I could not have had a more mellow time if I'd spent $250.00 at a day spa. It is very pleasing to my hubby when when we eat homecooked meals. It is to me as well. It is one of my major weaknesses that I do not plan and shop as I should, thus leaving us ordering way too much pizza and buying drive-thru tacos.

Since my grandmother, Elsie, died the last Sunday in December, I have been talking to the children alot about my childhood. My grandmother had such an influence on me. For over forty years, she owned and operated. along with several other women who rented booths, Elsie's Beauty Shop. Down the street from her shop was a typical homestyle resaurant called Polson's Restaurant. In the south, we crave a good "meat and three" (1 meat and three vegetable, served with warm rolls and cornbread). served with a meringue topped pie of some sort. So, I got out one of my southern cookbooks, filled with Kentucky favorites.

I am going to try to adapt some of my southern "meat and three" meals to healthier ingredients. "Chicken-fried" steak, mashed potatoes and gravy. The famous Kentucky "Hot Brown." more later on yummy, tummy-warming southern food...

My daughter is gathering the family to the basement for a movie. Last night I read the "Ash Wednesday and Lent" chapter in this very inspiring book (click here for the link). If you look in the upper right corner of the cover, their is a photo of a lovely Madonna and child statue. Well, we just inherited this very statue from my husband's granparents' home last year.

Sorry if my prose is stilted this evening....I am so very tired (happy, good tired, that is...) from working the nursery this afternoon while all the big kids were in the coop.

Getting rid of our sins...

I was just watching a little EWTN via the Internet, as I cleaned up the kitchen (We have not had cable t.v. for nearly 4 years. Can you tell I miss the good part?), and the priest from England who was giving a little Advent meditation mentioned that when G.K. Chesterton was asked why in the world he wanted to become a Catholic, he responded, "to get rid of my sins." As any practicing Catholic knows, the gift of priestly absolution in the Confessional is from God and it is absolutely meant for us. We are called to be saints. We are called to love others as our Lord and Savior has loved, and continues to love, us. I think I could go to Confession once a day! I so desire to love God. So often, I find myself falling short, and I am in awe at the power of the sacraments to restore my soul.

Thanks be to God, my husband and I got what we sometimes call a "spiritual shower" (We went to Confession) on Saturday morning before the first Sunday of this lovely season.

Lord Jesus, thank you for Mother Church which continues to save us as often as we are willing to be open to our salvation. Our salvation is not complete until we see you face to face. Then, we will see ourselves and our earthly pilgrimage as they truly are. Help us, during this time of waiting, to examine the state of our souls. Help us to love ourselves, not judge others (as we never know the "whole story"), and love You as You have loved us. Amen.

Coffee, tea or me

When I was growing up, I had several opportunities to travel by airplane. I was delighted by all of it. (It was not until after I was married that I had my air travel bubble popped, when we nearly crashed upon landing in St. Louis.) Back to those golden times, however, the trappings of air travel were exciting, even glamorous to this Kentucky-bred girl. While part of me wants to sit here and reminisce about all those travels, what brought it to mind was the ongoing discussion I am having with several friends regarding home education.

I was raised in a very privileged environment. I am an ivy-league graduate and have seen my fair share of the globe; and, no I was not a Catholic missionary at the time. While I am easy-going and like to please people (dominate sanguine temperament), I am pleasure-loving as well. I have travelled and lived in Spain and Latin America where, unless I've missed a trend, homeschooling is not a big movement in those places. Here in the US of A, it is; and, thank the good God for it. It is a movement. It involves both the spiritual and corporal works of mercy. At its best, homeschooling is a vocation, a calling from Christ our Lord to enter into His very life.

The requirement is a willing heart. For me, the willingness to bring everyone home was just the beginning of what has been a very challenging and inspiring, 18 or so, months. The last year the girls were in school I read and read and read. I looked at lots of curricula. I thought I knew my childrens' needs and planned to the best of my ability. I knew God's Love would fill in my gaps. The one thing that has remained consistent since 2005, when my husband and I really began to desire to educate the children from home, is a regular and fervent prayer life. We "show up" for prayer.

I could really end the story with that. Pray, and keep praying, and the Lord will enlighten your path. For those interested in "jumping off the cliff," in taking the leap of faith necessary to bring one child, or more, home, or to home educate from the "get-go", the tools in the tool belt are the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit (Fortitude, Fear of the Lord, Knowledge, Piety, Understanding, Wisdom, and Counsel).

I really wish there was less thought of "homeschooling" and more on "home educating," because education and schooling are two very different things. As my nine year old daughter told a dear friend the other day when asked what she most liked about homeschooling, she replied, "I like how we are learning all the time." I love watching my children pursue their interests. I am amazed at how different our three are one from the other. I do not always have an easy time with my children, and I am with them alot more than they are with their dad. Yet, the children know that my husband and I are a common front when it comes to their education. Jerry really encouraged me to breastfeed, and I joked with him that he just wanted to save the money on formula. Down deep I knew it gave him great pleasure and real satisfaction that I chose to raise the children in a very wholesome, relaxed way. When I finally got the courage to bring the girls home, he was again deeply appreciative. He still is.

I love the discussions my husband and I have about what we are learning and how we are doing it. Again, it is not always easy for us to find our way, but we turn to Mother Church. By staying faithful, we are faithful to our children. In turn, I love talking with my children. I do not talk at them much; that is, I am not spending my mornings "playing teacher". I am who I am, and I bring my gifts to bear on their education. I notice that if I leave them alone for long periods, they learn more. We spend a good amout of time each week learning together as a family.

I think home educating moms need time alone to pause and reflect on the journey. My husband is down the street "as we speak" at our neighborhood father-child campout, but two already came home. You know, one news flash from my end is this: my children and I love being at home alone and quiet. This notion that you "never get a break" is faulty because home education provides the time and space to learn to peacefully co-exist.

NOTES: I began my search for materials with the Catholic Heritage Curricula and have been so nourished by the writing and speaking of Rita Munn. Holly Pierlot's book, A Mother's Rule of Life, is one of my favorite resources so far. I also loved Susie Andres book, Homeschooling with Gentleness, A Catholic Discovers Unschooling. But, looking back, both of these books came into my hands as what I call an "affirmation", meaning that they affirmed what I was already doing, what I was already thinking. I do not read about someone's life, then go change everything. It is, I believe, a gift from our Lord that we are all valid. There are several approaches and each family has a unique charism that enables them to learn in the manner that fits their needs, talents and challenges. I loved the political and religious insights in Mary Kay Clark's book Catholic Home Schooling, and have found a lot of the Seton materials engaging. I peruse regularly Adoremusbooks.com.

Adoremus has the syllabi for various programs in all grades in all subjects. I do not follow a daily lesson plan split into subjects. I do cover the "four R's" (reading, writing, arithmetic and religion) as part of our morning prayer/saint of the day routine.

In writing this, I realize that I'd like to blog some of our favorite books. I am reading How America Began from Seton and love the Pauline sisters books on the saints. There is more, but I am getting tired. More later....

Thoughts speak louder than actions and words

It is commonly said that actions speak louder than words. Last night, I read advice from a priest who is a writer that the real thing are thoughts. We may be terse and hard-working, but where is our heart? In August, as part of my begin-the-academic-year prep reading, I perused The Well-Trained Mind, and it kept popping in my head that what I most desire for my family is that we pursue a well-formed heart. Americans do not tend to have a problem with laziness. We are a country of work horses. In my own family, there are several "rags to riches" success stories. The material is not the problem. Again, in my family, we boast intellectual success. So often, we avoid the truth that neither brains nor brawn can substitute for spirit. Man is half spirit and half flesh. Mother Teresa saw much "spiritual poverty" when she visited the US of A. What did she mean?

She meant that in the heart (the will) of each individual, there is a capacity for a certain surrender to God's will; and, further, that here in the ole US of A, she observed much evidence that we are a heartless culture. Our hearts are not in line with God's heart. We do not seek to follow the Lord of life. We, in the main, do not seek salvation and are not in need of a Savior. We seek self-reliance. To many folks, grace is neither a necessity nor, in many quarters, is it a reality.

The good news is that many Americans are people of faith. There is hope. There is love. I am in awe at the capacity for love that I see around me. I am blessed to live in an atypical suburban subdivision that is a real community. I am blessed to belong to a parish where love is in evidence. My local homeschooling groups are also lovers of God's ways. Wow! I choose the life of the heart over the life of the mind any day.

Back to thoughts and thinking....the Catechism of the Catholic Church defines the driving force behind most human thinking : it is concupiscence. I wish I had been taught that, if left to myself, I would fall and fall again in to sin. This tendency to sin is not washed away by Baptism; we are cleansed of original sin, but concupiscence remains and we battle it with the seven sacraments. There are no other weapons that are effective, and that is the clearest thought in the universe. It is a thought which is compelling. We are compelled to live lives of virtue not by our own effort. We are compelled to seek God and seek Him again and again and again. (So tiring this work of dying to self...)

I am in debt to the intercession of the Little Flower, St. Therese. A novena I said imploring her prayers back in 2001 produced a miracle for me and my family. I know I have to show up and be faithful. I know I have to desire holiness of life. I also know that I am a sinner, and without God's grace, without His Passion, His Church and His Sacraments, I would be a slave to sin.

While I am rattling on about the basics, I am very surprised at the lack of thought many Americans give to the three enemies of love: the world, the flesh and the devil. As my children get ready to go "trick or treating" (and that is another post), I know in my heart that prayer is the weapon that defends us against the continual onslaught of temptation. Temptation comes from our concupiscence (internal), the bad example of other humans (external) and the fallen angels (for the most part, only external).

As C.S. Lewis pointed out more than once, it is the great victory of the devils that people cease to believe in them, that they see them as harmless superstition or humorous folly. As All Hallows Eve approaches, may our hearts turn to Christ Jesus and His Mother, Queen of Angels. Soldiers are dying in wars that do not have to be fought. Babies and children die who could live and be cared for. People starve spiritually and materially who could be fed. The ill suffer who could be supported by their fellow man. Marriages break that could be mended. Families feud who could forgive.

Thought must be supported by the ongoing conversation with God that is prayer. In order for our thoughts to produce kind words and right action, it must be inspired by the Holy Spirit. There is no other way. There is no other training that is right or just. So much of what is wrong with our culture is rooted in impious thought.

Thanks be to God I did not get my way.

There are so many times, looking back, that I am thankful to God that I did not get my way. As my husband and I grow closer -- we are about to celebrate fourteen years of marriage -- I think he would agree that this would be true for many of our mutual desires and aspirations, as well. So, let's get down to some specifics. During the year 1999-2000, I entered the RCIA program at our parish dedicated to St. Andrew. I also enjoyed teaching three year olds at our parish preschool where Maggie, then three (and not in my class!) and, Joy-Beth, eighteen months, also attended. It was a relaxed schedule, three days a week from 9:00 a.m. to 12:30. We came home and ate lunch and all sacked out for a big nap. The next year was my neophyte year (the first year as a full-fledged Catholic), and I began to stress out about schooling and religion. I wanted the girls to go from K-12 to Catholic school, preferably on the same campus for all these years. Pinecrest Acedemy fit the bill, but it was far from our neighborhood and so very expensive.

So, I started lobbying the grandparents, hard, I might add. They were to be the patrons of this plan -- why would they not? Jerry and I spent alot of time writing the application, taking the girls to interviews and, to some success, we received support from the grandparents. Our children were accepted and we were set -- God and his lovely orthodox school would handle the rest! (And, a lovely, holy place Pinecrest remains to this day.)

God had other plans for us. We were to experience a "personal 9-11" right about the time of the New York event. I had become very sick after Jay's delivery in February of 2001. The summer before Maggie was to start kindergarten and Joy-Beth was to begin PK-4 at Pinecrest I was a very sick woman. I was pale and cold, incredibly cold. I was sluggish and yearned to rest. I kept saying that if I could just sleep for a month, I'd snap back to my normal, energetic self. God allowed tragedy to unfold in our family during the months that ensued, beginning that summer. I still get choked up revisiting this painful time.

The end result was that we had to pull back. Maggie finished the year at Pinecrest thanks to the generosity of friends who could drive when I could not. Joy-Beth left Pinecrest and was taken back at our parish preschool. My friend Teresa bought a car seat for her at a garage sale and became chaffeur to Joy-Beth during Mommy's prolonged illness. Mommy and Daddy soldiered on the best they could in the face of disaster. We clung to our faith. We both begged the Lord's presence, and, as always (eternally, in fact), He did not fail us.

There is more, so much more. Enough writing for now. I am grateful for the pain because it helped us to grow stronger.

Sweet Virgin Mary, hold my hand, take me to your Son who wants to embrace us even in our misery, especially in our misery. Mother of God, protect us from bitterness, lighten our load and teach us to make our hearts like unto your own Immaculate Heart. AMEN

A little reflection on Corpus Christi

We are cleaning the house, purging curriculum and getting very excited about our educational and spiritual goals for the coming "school year". I want to reflect a bit so as to remind myself not to get too caught up in the academics. It is easy for me to take on too much because I love to read, I love books and many subjects fascinate me. I love the pursuit of knowledge and deepening my own learning. This often leads to serendipity. Serendipity is the gift of being able to make delightful discoveries by pure accident. On a spiritual level, serendipity in prayer leads to an increase in all seven gifts of the Holy Spirit (wisdom, understanding, counsel, knowledge, fortitude, piety and the gift of the fear of the Lord -- a.k.a. awe). In a sense, we control nothing. Everything is from God and everything is pure gift. To know this is to strive for humility and our current culture is lacking in grace because it lacks humility. I spent four years in the ivy league and, while there is a lot of pleasure and learning being pursued, one must ask, to what end is all this self-gratification and learning?

***

This past year has reinforced an idea that I have grappled with for as long as I can remember: we retain what we have learned by putting our learning into practice. We are not doing any service to God or neighbor when we hide our lights. We must communicate our learning. We must apply our learning. We must share our gifts.

***

Years ago my friend, Mary-Gay, introduced the children and I to Sculpey. It is a polymer clay that is available in a wide array of colors. You mold it and bake it, and it comes out of the oven beautifully glazed. We buy it from time to time and alot of Sculpey dabbling gets thrown in the trash, but, this year, the kids started making fake food out of it. Then, while Maggie was hitting the books, the two younger children came up with an elaborate game with the Sculpey food. They created two restaurants, various menus, and role played a variety of scenarios with interesting customers and employees. I was often a customer at "Elizabeth's Deli and Bakery" and the food and service was lovely! We discussed the other customers who frequented their businesses. The bills were elaborate and, of course, you could pay by cash, check or credit card!

I am going to cut this post into my homeschooling journal which I started last August. It really is a tricky business balancing the planned work with what Elizabeth Foss (click on this for more info: Real Learning) and others call "rabbit trails". A huge bonus to home education is all the real-life learning that goes on. You can surround yourself with the finest music and literature, the most rigorous and logical math, science and history. Grammar, reading and writing (and pre-writing) can be bundled into role play, notebooking and, yes, even housework and play time. We get outside alot which is something we have loved all along.

Someone told me that home educators who use various curriculum are called "mixers". I thought this was funny as I was a bartender in Nashville, Tennessee, when I was in graduate school. The analogy is good. You can get too much of a good thing both ways; and, one goal for me is to strive to pray harder for my children so that I strike a good balance between planned work and "rabbit trails". Discerning their gifts and talents and encouraging them to pray is something that must be budgeted in to the work week. We enjoy praying together and do it throughout the day. We pray with Dad when he comes home. When I remember, we ask Dad to pray with us in the morning.

Like an oreo cookie, we are the filling and prayer is the two pieces of cookie. We sandwich our efforts in prayer and the good Lord and His most Blessed Mother will iron out the kinks. That has been my experience for years now, not just in homeschooling. I am not in charge of the vocations of my children. God has this in His loving care. I am an instrument to be used. I must be willing to do as John the Baptist did; I must be willing to decrease my ego and my life so that the young may flourish in the working of the Holy Spirit.

***

My last reflection involves the role of the Sullivan family in our parish community and larger society. This needs prayer and attention. It is hard to balance all the needs and goals here at home with what must also be done outside the home. In my experience, homeschooling families are gems when it comes to lovingly reaching out to their neighbors (We were encouraged to "take the leap" in good part due to other hschooling families -- Alleluia!). We carry Christ Jesus in our hearts, and He encourages us to reach out. We did this, by the grace of God. I know He blessed and increased our small efforts. I also know that the harder we strive to do God's will, the harder the bad angels pummel us. This is a mystery of faith and has to do with the fact that much has been given to us so much (battling) is expected of us. We Catholics possess the weapon against the fallen angels, the world and our own sinful flesh-- and that is the Eucharist. The Eucharist is the summit, the peak of God's saving Love, and the other 6 sacraments are fully intertwined in the gift of Jesus's Body and Blood.

Dear Jesus, be with us this summer as we make our preparations for the coming year of living, loving and learning. I ask this through the intercession of the most Immaculate Heart of Mary. All praise be to Him who started a good work in all of us and will give us the grace we all need to live out our vocations on earth. Amen

When something old gets a new use

It can be such a good thing when something old gets a new use. By the grace of God, I have a week off this week because my children are in all-day Summer CCD at our parish. I am making a thorough cleaning/de-cluttering of the house. I am trying to decide what stays and what goes. I also want to take some old things and make new uses of them, like this big oak entertainment center we have in our bedroom that I bought when I was in graduate school in Nashville.

As often happens to me when I do housework, I think of correlations to the spiritual life. God wants to make good use of us. He wants us to routinely clean our consciences (confession) and keep us a new creation in Him. I have been reading about the temperaments again; and, by the way, I initially got myself wrong !?! I am a dominate sanguine and (I think) a secondary melancholic. The point being that God does not want me to completely deny my old self. He made me and He did a good job the first go 'round. It was I who strayed, not He. I realize that my easy-going, "life-0f-the party" tendency has the potential to put others at ease and the Lord wants to use this. He wants me to battle the flip side of this, which is to be flighty and easily distracted.

So, in that vein, I am back to my cleaning. I'd love to stay and chat but I know the good Lord wants me attacking my clutter. God bless anyone who takes the time to read this. Please pray for me!!!

Fair weather, nasty necks and good reads

I am reading this book, have already given it to my friend Rachel as a b-day gift, and hope others will read it because....hold onto your pants (or skirt)....it is utterly orthodox. It is a TAN book married to Erma Bombeck. It borders as an "occasion of sin," but, I would argue, less so than living in the world does, because, as you are reading this, you are thinking (thinking, what a concept, in this day and age !?!). And, the authors give us much to think about.

Due to the loving interest of my friend Rachel (the one with the 29th b-day a few days back (: ), I am also going to consider eliminating these foods from my diet in my ongoing attempt to reduce the chronic pain and inflammation that I live with. I have fibromyalgia and lots of painful arthritis, including disc disease in my cervical spine -- literally, a "pain in the neck". Several weeks back, I began the most effective treatment heretofor at this clinic in Marietta, Georgia.

I am enjoying the fair weather here in Georgia, while it lasts. We are wrapping up certain homeschooling activities and gearing up for some fun summer learning. Joy-Beth is looking forward to going to a 3o-day math camp this summer -- not!!! She is sitting here as I write this and we are both ready for a break from math. Next semester we will tackle Saxon 5/4, but, first, the pool.

The Painted Veil

Last Friday, I finally rejoined my neighborhood book club to discuss the novel by Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil.* It was a fine evening -- full of interesting discussion, good food and drink, and warm with laughter.

*Here is link: http://www.amazon.com/Painted-Veil-W-Somerset-Maugham/dp/0307277771.

I have two university degrees in literature and used to consume fiction like water, but, upon my conversion, I switched over to nonfiction. I was hungry to catch up on all the missed catechises. I delved into Church history, the lives of the saints and spiritual classics. I re-read some of Flannery O'Connor's short stories, but loved her letters and the transcripts of some of her speeches collected in a volume called The Habit of Being. I read Walker Percy's essays and made a stab at one of his novels, but fiction was hard for me. I read some of John Cheever's stories and a few stories by Evelyn Waugh. If it were not for this book club, I think I would have given up on novels altogether.

I loved Maugham's novel. While he was not a practicing Catholic, it is a Catholic book because it expresses the absolutes; it moralizes. Many writers of fiction these days are the literary equivalent of radio's "shock jocks". Trashy people doing trashy things sells. Sin is glamorized. A fine work of fiction, like compelling music, takes us through the hills and valleys of some one's life, and leaves us changed. Real hope is expressed in art that describes the enormous capacity for change that every life holds. That, to me, is the problem with alot of modern and "postmodern" art and literature -- it is hopeless.

A story does not have to have a positive outcome or "happy ending" to express theological hope. In fact, O'Connor's work often stumps people -- what was that about??? She said something to the effect that, for the spiritually blind, one had to paint in bold strokes. I think she saw her stories as being like a jolting shot of espresso, a wake up call to an America that was flushing itself down the toilet. She practiced her faith faithfully and with her entire being. Her every waking moment was prayerful and recollected. Her stories, which I first read in college, made me want to know more about the writer behind the words. Her artistry planted a seed in me, planted a series of questions that emerged...something like this: "What is wrong with man that he is capable of such evil? what is wrong with me that I can have everything in the world and still not feel satisfied? is God real? did God really live and breathe and suffer as a man? and, if so, why would he do such an incredible thing?"

Slowly, over the course of a year, from 1999-2000, these questions were answered and other questions emerged. Other answers mercifully emerged too, and I was a goner. I was in love. I was in love with the Catholic faith, and with God's answer to the problem of being human --Mother Church and her seven sacraments. I confessed my sins and climbed the mountaintop of the Holy Eucharist, ate God and wondered how I'd gone a second without such Love burning in my heart. Over the years since my conversion, I have shed many tears of joy and sorrow, but I am alive in faith where, before, I was dead in the world. Like the opium-stoned painted Chinese lady in The Painted Veil, I lived for years as a "kept woman," kept captive by worldly pleasures and enticements. Mother Church offers the only truly alternative culture. Her teachings are sound and her guidance is loving. To retreat from our sin is liberating. It is risky and daring and never a "done deal". It is full of hope.

Here is a quote and bio that I took from mycatholic.com:

Withdraw your heart from the world before God takes your body from it.
– St. John of Avila

St. John of Avila (1499-1569)Born to a wealthy family, John gave his
fortune to the poor. A Jesuit priest, he preached throughout Spain. He was the
spiritual director of St. Teresa of Avila and three other saints.

As Many As Touched It Were Healed

Whatever villages or towns or countryside he entered, they laid the sick in
the marketplaces and begged him that they might touch only the tassel on his
cloak; and as many as touched it were healed. --St. Mark 6: 53-56.

3 pm: I just received the February issue of NOR, which stands for the New Oxford Review. It is really something, this magazine. At any rate, there is an article by Alice von Hildebrand. I am falling asleep in my cup of tea. When I wake up, I'll have read the article by Dr. Alice von Hildrebrand, one of my heroes...

after 8pm: O.K., I did not take a nap, and I did not read, but I cooked up a storm. I am too worn out to read. I loved today's Gospel, as it is our Lord who heals. I went to a healing Mass last spring with Sister Briege McKenna, and she made sure everyone present that day knew that only Jesus heals. We are all in need of healing, and just when we are healed of one thing, something else crops up. Healing and being saved are connected; I'll try to think about that one some more.

We had a big day today. The children learned alot, and so did I. I am really enjoying doing the K-12 language arts (Maggie is doing 7th grade and JB is doing 4th). They had to test to find their appropriate grade level. My intuition was correct, yet I was glad for these tests. Before signing off for prayers and bed, I want to mention Maggie's excellent science text. It is Exploring Creation with General Science by Dr. Jay L. Wile, copyright 2000 by Apologia Educational Ministries. We also love CHC (Catholic Heritage Curriculum) and Seton for science, as well as a few things I found on the Adoremus Books website. We started using Seton's excellent history texts/worktexts on American history for all three children (1, 3 and 8) in January, and these would be wonderful for any Catholic family, homeschooling or not. Here is Seton media link: http://www.setonbooks.com/

I hope I did not bury my Magnificat in one of my piles. I also hope I do not seem prideful in writing this. It is my intention, as I see with many "bloggers," to inform and edify, and, at times, amuse and delight. May the Peace of the Lord be with you!