Tuesday, February 19, 2008

...the lure of self-sufficiency...

While reading the "Prayer for the Morning" in Magnificat, I was further awakened by the last petition of the intercessions: deliver us from the lure of self-sufficiency, we pray. How do we consciously work on that one, many might ask? In my own experience, it was life-threatening illness and continued disability, upon the delivery of our third child, that really brought this message home to me. I, like so many of us, had my day timer, my babysitter, my tennis lessons and shopping trips, my ladies' Bible study, my cooking, reading of cookbooks and various glossy magazines, my new minivan, my day trips with kids and friends, my parish activities, my playgroups, my ability to rush around and pack in fun and work and play. All this comes to a screeching halt when someone falls seriously ill. It is not so much missed (though that is very true) as it is impossible to pull off.

Now my days are slower. Not as slow as those years of illness from 2001-2004 (2005-2006 was hard, but much better). I saw specialists in medicine that I did not even know existed. It has been years since I've had to fill a prescription for myself, Praise God for that! I still have rheumatism, accompanied by some disability; but, for the most part, I am back in the saddle. This morning's petition reminded me to not be lured back to the making of myself as a god. This is really a challenge for me as I am a sanguine temperament and love to be out and about with friends. I enjoy stirring up ideas, but not so much following through with them.

Lord Jesus, during this extra-long Lent, please stir my heart toward You and Your Divine Will for me and my family. When I yearn for the pleasures of this good earth, help me to moderate them with the even greater joy of being your loving servant. Amen.

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