Great Conversion Story

Confessions of a Convert by Robert Hugh Benson

Our first Thanksgiving in the 'new' house

Our MENU 2010
a 16lb oven-roasted TURKEY (first one)
jellied cranberries
green beans
gourmet mac and cheese (recipe below)
mashed potatoes and gravy
baked sweet potatoes and marshmallows
homemade stuffing casserole
yeast rolls and Irish butter
Joybeth's pumpkin bread
pumpkin pie and whipped cream

My daughter, Jb was looking through the November Food Network Magazine and she came across "Bobby Flay's Macaroni & Cheese Carbonara." We decided to make the recipe for Thanksgiving 2010 and I wanted to share the recipe with you!

Unsalted Butter, for the baking dish
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 1-inch thick slice pancettam cut into small dice (or fatty part of bacon)
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
5 cups whole milk, hot
4 large egg yolks, lightly whisked
2 teaspoons thyme leaves
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 cups grated asiago cheese, plus more for top
1 1/2 cups grated Irish white cheddar cheese, plus more for top
1 1/2 cups grated American Cheddar cheese, plus more for top
1 cup aged fontina cheese, plus more for top
1/2 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese, plus more for top
Kosher salt & ground black pepper
1 pound elbow macaroni, cooked just under al dente
1/2 cup coarsley chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves.

1. Preheat the oven to 375. Butter the bottowm and sides of a 10-by-10-by-2-inch baking dish and set aside.
2. Heat the oil in a large saute pan over medium heat. Add the pancetta and cook until golden brown on all sides, about 8 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon to a plate lined with paper towels.
3. Add the garlic to the fat in the pan & cook until lightly golden brown, 1 minute. Whisk in the flower & cook for 1-2 minutes. Whisk in the hot milk, raise the heat to high & cook, whisking constantly, until thickened, 3 to about 5 minutes. Whisk in the eggs until incorporated & let cook for 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from the heat & whisk in the thyme, cayenne & all the different cheeses until completely melted. Season with salt & pepper. If the mixture appears to thick, add additional warm milk, 1/4 cup at a time.
4. Put the cooked macaroni in a large bowl, add the cheese sauce, reserved pancetta, and the parsley. Stir until combined. Transfer to the prepared baking dish.
5. Combine an addition 1/4 cup each asiago, cheddars, fontina, & parmesan in a bowl & sprinkle evenly over the top. Bake until the dish is heated through and the top is a light golden brown, 12-15 minutes. Let rest for 10 minutes before serving.

God is weaving the tapestry of life and using everything!

Dear children; With motherly perseverance and love I am bringing you the light of life to destroy the darkness of death in you. Do not reject me, my children. Stop and look within yourselves and see how sinful you are. Be aware of your sins and pray for forgiveness. My children, you do not desire to accept that you are weak and little, but you can be strong and great by doing God’s will. Give me your cleansed hearts that I may illuminate them with the light of life, my Son. Thank you.
Medjugorje message, November 2, 2010

I copied this utterly inspiring message from this blog. I am amazed at how pertinent this is to my life right now, in this very moment. I had my first day -- ever-- of physical therapy today and am really looking forward to working with Linnet, a young and capable woman, who has a plan to help me help myself to strengthen my body, especially my lower back. This commitment to physical therapy is itself the fruit of almost two years of monthly spiritual direction, one of the many gifts of my life in Regnum Christi.

I try hard to live a life filled with apostolic zeal and the daily perseverance required to live well (see Despite Lupus blog -- so good!) with a chronic illness is the same daily perseverance needed to pray well. I often do neither well. (I blog to reflect and to take time to count my blessings.) In my younger days, I was such a talker and loved to "think out loud," with a good friend. These days, I nearly crave silence, and I find that writing helps me get my thoughts out. I can put words to concerns and blessings. I can try to complain less and live more. I can stop and love the rich tapestry of life, even if my particular tapestry has lots of frayed spots!

I, by temperament (sanguine), am not one who likes to plan. I find it boring and would rather "fly by the seat of my pants". All my duties require flexibility, prudent spontaneity and, yes, lots of planning. Through the eyes and ears of faith, it is abundantly clear to me that I "cannot always get what I want but I just might find that I get what I need". I want to encourage myself and others to "work against themselves," meaning to dig hard and learn what it is that personally impedes LOVE. Through almost 10 years of living with "something like Lupus," I have found that I do not have to say "yes" to all the (perceived) needs and activities around me --that sounds anti-Gospel but HOLD ON...

I must say "yes" to Christ, "yes" to time in prayer, "yes" to interruptions and to duties, "yes" to a daily rhythm that leaves a calm and smiling face on this constantly tired and achy woman and "yes" to laughter and to tears. "Yes," my Lord, "yes," my Mother, I will stop and garner strength from the Holy Spirit, so that I am not sinking in to my lower nature, sinking in to the sin that potentially separates me from who God has created me to be. For me, making the commitment to Regnum Christi was a means to deepen my practice of the Catholic Faith. Living in the "ever ancient, ever fresh" daily routine of prayer and penance is to continually feel the providential hand of the most perfect and loving Blessed Trinity, Who has the answers to all the questions, even those questions that we do not, as yet, know exactly how to formulate.

God makes no mistakes. We are perfectly capable, in any and all circumstances, to be a conduit for His Love and His most glorious salvation. This makes even a tired person smile. I cannot express properly how humiliating life with chronic illness can be; at the same time, it is a great blessing to be able to stop and offer all of the physical and psychological pain for my own salvation and the salvation of others, as if it were a lovely pearl. This is the gift of suffering -- it is a time to open up, to share with those around you that THIS IS NOT ALL THERE IS. We are pilgrims. We are going somewhere and all of these exercises are preparations to draw us closer and closer to Him who is LOVE.

I have a dear friend who I have not seen in too long, and she used to tell me that God "wastes nothing and weaves everything!" (maybe from St. Paul?) It is so true. We ought to pause often throughout the day and think of Heaven. Heaven is, in some ways, as near as the beating of our hearts. Heaven is always challenging us to change -- to be better, holier and happier.

Our Lady, Queen of Peace, pray for us!

Thoughts as we approach All Hallows Eve, All Saints, and All Souls

Counting our blessings: we lived in such a good neighborhood for 15 years and enjoyed such lovely, wholesome Halloween celebrations with a hay ride and chili cookoff before the trick or treating began. I wish I could find the photo the year the girls and I dressed up as a medieval queen and princesses. Every year, my husband carves the pumpkins and roasts the seeds with lots of seasoning salt. Usually, his parents have come down to enjoy the children and help hand out candy and watch an old classic movie.

Still counting our blessings: we are in a new, much smaller neighborhood with many kind people and families, and the annual, fall festival atmostphere of our Roswell celebrations accompany us here. The memories of good people and good times help us to bring forth new celebrations and new friends. We have our Faith and have always had many good family prayers around this time to the holy souls and to the saints. One year we even made a little saints museum in one of the children's rooms as the big days (read good link on All Hallows Eve, All Saints and All Souls) approached. At our parish (which has not changed, even though we moved farther north), there is that lovely feeling of expectation for Advent, just a few weeks away! Fall blazes in and out so quickly; it is such a lovely time of year!

Each year, in August, I pick a saint to pray to for our homeschooling. Education means to nurture; and, many parents see the family as a garden, a place where we work, play and pray to bring forth good produce. I have asked St. Gemma Galgani to be our special, educational protectress this year. It is not an easy culture within which to raise children and young people.

I regret letting my children read and watch all the Harry Potter stories, but I have to move forward continuing to humbly pray for the Blessed Mother's intercession and the fathomless Mercy of Christ our King, our Lord and Savior of all who call upon Him in faith, hope and love. Of these, the greatest is LOVE.

Here is my Halloween post from last year.

I just found this thought provoking article.

St. Gemma Galgani, pray for us and for all families striving to bring up their young in the best possible garden.

Let's work hard against contempt, let's adore Him, let's love...

"We can only learn to know ourselves and do what we can -- namely, surrender our will and fulfill God's will in us." --St. Teresa of Avila

I have a few quiet moments and am thinking about how fast the rest of the year will go by...and, I want to bring a grateful heart to each day, not worrying if I "get everything done". I am a "worry wart," as they used to call my grandpa (my dad's dad). It is important for me to stop and see the big picture, to stop and adore our Eucharistic Lord, even when I am not directly in front of the Blessed Sacrament. He, the Prince of Peace is, so very mysteriously, living inside of me and, as a beautiful song goes, "He is the air I breathe..."

We are all called to be living tabernacles. I love this thought and know that the Incarnation made this all possible. No wonder so many love Christmas. The miracle of Christmas is the gift of Mother Church. Christ came as a baby and would become even smaller in the Sacred Host (think of that!). As a convert, I am still learning and renewing, via His sacramental graces, my knowledge of the truths of the Faith. We know that Purgatory is the "Church Suffering" and that we, pilgrims on earth, are the "Church Militant" and that all persons are created to journey in faith, hope and love to our ultimate destiny of utter refuge, known to Catholics as the "Church Triumphant."

Heaven is the goal. It is the place to which we run. I was talking to some of the members of my Regnum Christ small prayer group (know as our "Encounters with Christ")about the idea that Heaven will be, for me, a place not of rest, as we tend to think of it. As a disabled person, I like to think of Heaven as a place where we are always free to move, free to act with verve and full-blown energy to love perfectly all the time. Come to think of it, that would be eternal rest because we would "rest" in the peace of a fully certain conscience, meaning that our hearts would be utterly pure. We would be unencumbered by our mental, emotional and physical disabilities. Living fully in the embrace of the Blessed Mother gazing in complete communion with the Blessed Trinity, we would be one act of pure love all of the time -- Heaven!!!

I know it is not a sin to be tired, but, as I am so tired so much of the time, I am blessed, if you will, to think, from time to time, of all the good works that I could initiate, if I were to have more energy. Alas, nothing is wasted! What I mean by that is that we can pray with all of our might for souls. We can offer everything up to Him who is Love. And, we must do what we can when we can to inspire and encourage ourselves and others.

We can offer each and every aspect of our daily lives for the salvation of souls, beginning first with our own. A related item I have been pondering is the fact that we must work and pray very hard not to be contemptuous of our own failings or those of others. Our Lord warns us of the only "unforgivable sin" being (all) that which opposes the Holy Spirit (do not quench the Spirit!). God never fails to forgive. We condemn ourselves. We know this. When we make our morning offering and ask for the special intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary and the mercy of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, we must do so humbly and in full recognition of our potential for contempt, of ourselves and of others.

I just looked up contempt and you may be given a bit of a jolt --it is from the Latin contemnere, meaning to despise. Wow! Contempt is "an attitude to something (or someone, I add) which one despises as worthless, insignificant or vile; total disregard." (Webster's)

I believe this is key to understanding the internal persecutions of Mother Church. When any human person is deemed worthless (which can happen internally or externally, or both), then the demons leap in to the situation. When an idea that is good, truthful and beautiful is distorted, then the same occurs. The godly practices of celibacy for the Kingdom, worship of the Blessed Sacrament, family prayer, parish renewal, true friendship, authentic love, filial obedience to Mother Church -- there are so many more -- when these are held in contempt, watch out!

But first, return every hour of every day to the Lord with your whole heart. Ask our Lady to be your mother, to guide you, pray with you and for you. Ask for prayers from the holy souls and pray for them (then you will have "friends in high places," as I tell the kids). Here is a good link on Purgatory.

The one, sure prophetic word of God is to love. Spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament will increase your capacity to love, of this I am sure for I have experienced it in my own life. I know it to be true both from doctrine and from experience. Both are good and sound. Only magisterial doctrine is constant, but it must be experienced to be transmitted, so that we may evangelize the world.

Is it possible that the teaching can be more sound, more constant, than the teacher? I am speaking of apostles, not our Lord Himself, of course. He mysteriously acts through clay pots. I have more cracks than most! I do know that true and real devotion to our Blessed Mother includes an ardent desire to free the holy souls from Purgatory.

Holy Souls in Purgatory, pray for us! I pray that the holy souls know that we care, that they do have us to pray for them and that they will help us love ourselves as children of the Most High God the Father and that they will help us love others as our Savior has loved us! Amen

St. Teresa of Avila (my Confirmation saint), pray for all inhabitants of this good earth!

Christ's Kingdom is Mother Church

This is our great hope and our invocation, ‘Your Kingdom come!’—a Kingdom of peace, justice and serenity, which will re-establish the original harmony of creation. —POPE JOHN PAUL II, General Audience, November 6th, 2002, Zenit

This compelling quote is from a beautiful writing from Mark Mallet on the Kingdom.

If I get hit by a bus today, I want to say that Christ's Kingdom is Mother Church. I think that Mark Mallet is right in saying (what the Catechism says too) that Mother Church must follow our Lord and Savior through His Passion to His Resurrection. In the great mystery of time and eternity this happens on many levels (...it did happen, does happen and will happen with greater perfection...). The Church has a journey through time, just as each Christian has a journey through time. To some extent, through Christ's institution of the Holy Eucharist, the Kingdom reigns now in the hearts of those who receive the sacred Body and Blood in a state of grace. The enemies of the soul (world, flesh, demons) are constantly hammering us, and this God permits to prepare us for eternal life (...more and more, I realize that He permits our being "pummeled" because, like any coach worth his salt, the Prince of Peace, knows that freedom from sin and peace of heart, come in the midst of a great spiritual battle...).

It is so beautiful that we live a very full life in Christ and His Kingdom through the Church and her Sacraments. The Kingdom of God will never be an earthly kingdom; but, for me, reading prophecy gives me a sense of urgency to bring as many souls to the fullness of truth that is the one, holy Catholic and apostolic Church, as established by Christ Himself on the rock of His Holy Vicar, the Holy Father. I read prophet and saints to also help me put on the full armor of the Holy Spirit (knowing there are always, due to original sin, cracks in my armor) to wage war against my own rebellious spirit, the world and the devils. The Regnum Christi movement gives lay persons spiritual tools to do this. These tools are available to any practicing Catholic, indeed the life of prayer is "ever ancient, ever fresh," as St. Augustine says.

As I was praying about being called to join Regnum Christi, I had this sense that, in joining this ecclesial movement, our Lord Jesus would help me draw closer to the Blessed Mother. So far, this has happened. I hope I can describe this aspect of my journey of faith in a later post....but, another day, as I have to get back to homeschooling our fourth grader...TKC!

Spiritual training and the "development of the moral imagination"

I am over here reading author and artist Michael O' Brien's thoughts and experiences regarding the "Harry Potter" series. This is a long quote,written by O'Brien and is in the preface of his new book on the "HP" series, but so worth reading:

...The imagination is a phenomenally powerful faculty of the interior life of human beings. How it functions, and how it assimilates and recreates images and concepts into new forms, remains to some degree a mystery. It is like an empty stage, and whatever comes to habitually take place on that stage depends largely on what we choose through the will and the intellect to put there—or to allow to remain there. The imagination’s dramas can be generated by the literal events in the environment around us, by powerful emotional and sensory stimuli, and by painful and joyful experiences. It is also the arena where the subconscious mind dramatizes desires and conflicts (either in dreams or waking fantasies), where the lower appetites throw up images, sometimes exalted, sometimes sinful, sometimes a mixture of these. The imagination also tends to reflect the preoccupations and the spiritual condition of the society around us.

In addition, the imagination is a screen onto which the evil spirits can “project” images, temptations presented as stimulating entertainments, offering us pleasurable rewards if we give in to the temptation. The more we give in, the more this dimension of the imagination grows, the more it becomes a vehicle of enchantment of the will, then obsession, and if not wholly repented of, ending in some degree of bondage to evil. If we want to become whole and healthy, the imagination must be trained, just as the body, the rational intellect, and the will must be trained. Any one of these aspects of our personhood, if not brought under discipline and self-mastery with the help of grace, can lead to the domination of the part over the whole. The development of a moral imagination, therefore, demands as much self-restraint and proper direction as an athlete exercises over his body.

St. Jerome, pray for us!

TKC! (con't)

"A Place to Hang Your Hat"

One day, when I was a young, first-time mom, I sat down to try to write a short story called, "A Place to Hang Your Hat." Down the road, I want to work on expressing what was going on in my mind and heart, as I thought about this story. First, I will give a bit of personal backstory:

I love to read, and there is nothing better than a well-constructed story to teach us the problems, depths and joys of the human heart. When I was in college at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island, my dear friend, Sophie, introduced me to the fiction of Flannery O'Conner. Now, is that not funny that a southern girl (me) goes to college in the northeast, and there finds the work of one of the best southern artists to have ever lived! In those college days, I read and wrote and discussed ideas all the time. I had already become, during my senior year in high school, very interested in the writing of Ernest Hemingway and the ideas of Karl Marx. I gravitated, at Brown, to a literature and history program that was founded by two professors who were both "literary Marxists," of a sort. There was an entire range of Leftist intellectual "dabblings" among the professors; I say "dabblings" because there was --fortunately-- no real coherence; and, again --fortunately-- there was a good deal of plain old compassion and common sense, possibly vestigal to the professors' earlier classical studies (just a theory).

(must go do laundry -- to be continued...) St. Pio, pray for us!

What does "TKC!" mean? My first draft

Be prepared to put your life on the line in order to enlighten the world with the truth of Christ; to respond with love to hatred and disregard for life; to proclaim the hope of the risen Christ in every corner of the earth.

—POPE BENEDICT XVI, Message to the Young People of the World, World Youth Day, 2008

(quote taken from Mark Mallet's blog)

When I was very sick, after our son was born, I discovered Mark Mallet's music and drew strength from it and his writing. Recently, I re-discovered his writing, thanks be to God. It is at a time in my own journey of faith when I am struggling to improve and live closer to God and His Will. As an aside, something Mark said (somewhere?) in his writing made me reflect on the process of writing: writing is a gift from God and, over and over in my life, I have found that I learn as I write. This is okay. A writer does not have to have it all figured out to perfection before sitting down to write.

Well, as my husband often tells our oldest child, "we must often generalize first before delving into the specifics." Some young people, especially those of the dominant intraverted temperament, have trouble with generalizations. In our daughter's case, and sometimes even in the case of my husband (he would not mind my sharing this), the intravert's sense of justice often thrashes at the obscurity of a generalization or a "not-flushed-out" premise or rhetorical question.

Back to the topic at hand (smile), I am just a housewife and a mom. I love being a housewife and a mom. Over the period of about 4 years, I kept hearing in my prayers a call to join Regnum Christi. I was following a rule of life and trying hard to make all my thoughts, words and actions be little gifts to God. This was not because I was anything great, but I had, all thanks be to God and His graces, come to a certain place spiritually.

I would describe that as a place where we know we are home. We know Who God is, and we want, more than anything on earth, to be a member of His family, both now and throughout all of eternity. This is a good place to be. It is the best place to be, and that is why the three enemies of the soul war with such force to move us from this place.

Christ's Kingdom is not of this earth, yet, at the same time, the light and salt of souls living on earth fully in a state of grace is akin to the Blessed Virgin's standing on the head of the serpent. The devils and his armies are blinded and bound by the light and love of such souls. To aspire to be a child of God is the goal of the earthly life, and it is what will get us to Heaven. To proclaim "TKC!" is to desire Heaven. Okay, think on that.

Please also realize that we often fall short, and sometimes, in this noble pursuit, we fall and fall hard. For those of us who often teeter out, or almost out, of the blessed state of grace, then confidence in our Guardian Angels, the intercession of the Blessed Virgin and the power of the Holy Eucharist will bring us back to full sanity. Sanity of the soul is all that really matters.

I have to go pick up our firstborn from school -- so, "to be continued" and, the good Lord be pleased to give me the time to do it, "to be polished up" too.

Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us!

I am over here to wind down and marvel at the beauty of it all!

Reading Caryll Houselander...

...and loving it. Here is a "freebie" from the Catholic Culture website. And, over here is one of the books that I am reading whose editor did a fine job.

I am amazed at how she, by her passionate adherence to the sacramental life of the Church and committment to daily prayer, maintained a sound mind and joyful, productive spirit during some very dark times. Our times of the "culture wars" are dark in a more interior way, and we have much to learn from her life. While we do not have to run with all of our might in to our air raid shelter, we must be so very vigilant about the "bombs" dropped on us by the three enemies of our soul.

A prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas

We have had a few bumps in the road starting back to school, but God has blessed us with options. The girls are both, as of today, in school; and, Jay is still at home working here three days a week and at SJBA two days a week.

This prayer is so good:

"O Jesus, supreme Goodness, I ask You to give me a heart so enamored of You that nothing on earth can distract it...a free heart, never seduced or enslaved, an upright heart which never goes astray." (St. Thomas Aquinas from pg. 827 of the Divine Intimacy by Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene, O.C.D.)