Giving God the laundry

Yesterday, right before lunch, my 6 year old son, my 9 year old daughter and I made a major move toward a long-time goal of mine. My goal for many years now has been to enjoy, even for a few minutes, the feeling of having all of the laundry washed, dryed and put away. I have, on one or two occasions, come very close to this. My husband would think he'd "died and gone to heaven," just to arrrive home with all the wash done and put away. Since becoming a mother in 1995, it has been an ongoing struggle for me. To be defeated by heaps of clothing would be such an unhappy fate!

Some Advent notes:
Mother Church gives us a liturgical year filled with goodness, wisdom and plain common sense. I was fortunate to have experienced so much joy and energy as my husband and I prepared for the birth and delivery of our first child, Maggie. Preparing for the Child Jesus does not really depend on our energy level or mood. It depends on our will. Even the devil cannot touch our will. A major obstacle to the life of faith is equating our material happiness with our spiritual happiness. We are happy and at peace deep in our souls because we are in a state of grace, not because all of our material needs (or wants) are filled.

I was so blessed to get to attend a lovely evening two nights ago up in Cumming, Georgia, at the new chapel at Pinecrest Academy. Mass and Confession were part of this "Evening of Reflection," as well as two short and inspiring talks, given by an obviously passionate priest. I hope it is ok to share my penance because it was both unusual and so very thought provoking. The priest gave me absolution and told me to go and do something I'd never done before before Christmas.

Well, I've never started a business, seen a kangaroo, or written a book. These were the things that immediately popped into my head. I've never died and thought about that. But, that is not something within my control.

Control was a big topic that evening. Most folks interested in living a faith-filled life have read some Christian mysticism. The great mystics were really practicioners of the small. They gave to God by letting go of themselves. St. Paul in Phillipians mentions "emptying himself" so as to be filled with God's will. The priest listed 6 obstacles to the life of faith: 1. an "entitlement" attitude 2. a weak prayer life 3. intellectual over-confidence 4. over-confidence in self 5. control and 6. unforgiveness/anger...

Spending as much time as I do with children, I have spent alot of time studying what makes them tick. In general, I love being with children and young people as they are so honest and so full of desire to change the world. Adults tend to become entrenched and, as a whole, have a harder time with change. Children live in a world of change, and, when they are left to their imaginations and a wholesome surrounding, they are inquisitive and creative. They are not always as good as they should be (who is!). They need guidance, and it is my experience that they learn to pray from the heart, when given the time and attention that they deserve.

Well, I better go do some housework. I wonder if I will do that one thing I have never done before Christmas day. I hope my family will celebrate a lovely, peaceful Christmastime filled with family and friends. I am often repeating two things, one of which my own father said to me often, "Pretty is as pretty does." I have added, "People are more important than things."

Begin Again

This post could also be titled, "Back to the Drawing Board," as I am feeling the frustration all mothers feel at not having the time to do all that we'd like to do. This past October when I was on a women's retreat at our parish, I was reading an excellent little book, The Way, by the Spanish priest and saint, Jose Maria Escriva. That is where I got "begin again," it is an exhortation from him, and it is inspired by Him who is merciful forgiveness.

I think we need to pull in and check up on our priorities when we feel overwhelmed. Are we, in this order: first, a disciple of Christ, second, a "dream" wife to our husband, and third, a loving mother to our children. All this must be lived at once, which is a tricky business. I wish I could express this better, but here goes: I am both an idealist and a realist. All this means that I think we should dream big, while, at the same time, be gentle and forgiving with ourselves and others (this is the realist part).

That's all for now as I am off to pray, do some math and fold some (and put away!) laundry.

Thank you Lord Jesus for unending new beginnings. You are the Word made flesh and you lift us up every time we fall. Please put Your Holy Desires on our hearts!

Getting rid of our sins...

I was just watching a little EWTN via the Internet, as I cleaned up the kitchen (We have not had cable t.v. for nearly 4 years. Can you tell I miss the good part?), and the priest from England who was giving a little Advent meditation mentioned that when G.K. Chesterton was asked why in the world he wanted to become a Catholic, he responded, "to get rid of my sins." As any practicing Catholic knows, the gift of priestly absolution in the Confessional is from God and it is absolutely meant for us. We are called to be saints. We are called to love others as our Lord and Savior has loved, and continues to love, us. I think I could go to Confession once a day! I so desire to love God. So often, I find myself falling short, and I am in awe at the power of the sacraments to restore my soul.

Thanks be to God, my husband and I got what we sometimes call a "spiritual shower" (We went to Confession) on Saturday morning before the first Sunday of this lovely season.

Lord Jesus, thank you for Mother Church which continues to save us as often as we are willing to be open to our salvation. Our salvation is not complete until we see you face to face. Then, we will see ourselves and our earthly pilgrimage as they truly are. Help us, during this time of waiting, to examine the state of our souls. Help us to love ourselves, not judge others (as we never know the "whole story"), and love You as You have loved us. Amen.

Coffee, tea or me

When I was growing up, I had several opportunities to travel by airplane. I was delighted by all of it. (It was not until after I was married that I had my air travel bubble popped, when we nearly crashed upon landing in St. Louis.) Back to those golden times, however, the trappings of air travel were exciting, even glamorous to this Kentucky-bred girl. While part of me wants to sit here and reminisce about all those travels, what brought it to mind was the ongoing discussion I am having with several friends regarding home education.

I was raised in a very privileged environment. I am an ivy-league graduate and have seen my fair share of the globe; and, no I was not a Catholic missionary at the time. While I am easy-going and like to please people (dominate sanguine temperament), I am pleasure-loving as well. I have travelled and lived in Spain and Latin America where, unless I've missed a trend, homeschooling is not a big movement in those places. Here in the US of A, it is; and, thank the good God for it. It is a movement. It involves both the spiritual and corporal works of mercy. At its best, homeschooling is a vocation, a calling from Christ our Lord to enter into His very life.

The requirement is a willing heart. For me, the willingness to bring everyone home was just the beginning of what has been a very challenging and inspiring, 18 or so, months. The last year the girls were in school I read and read and read. I looked at lots of curricula. I thought I knew my childrens' needs and planned to the best of my ability. I knew God's Love would fill in my gaps. The one thing that has remained consistent since 2005, when my husband and I really began to desire to educate the children from home, is a regular and fervent prayer life. We "show up" for prayer.

I could really end the story with that. Pray, and keep praying, and the Lord will enlighten your path. For those interested in "jumping off the cliff," in taking the leap of faith necessary to bring one child, or more, home, or to home educate from the "get-go", the tools in the tool belt are the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit (Fortitude, Fear of the Lord, Knowledge, Piety, Understanding, Wisdom, and Counsel).

I really wish there was less thought of "homeschooling" and more on "home educating," because education and schooling are two very different things. As my nine year old daughter told a dear friend the other day when asked what she most liked about homeschooling, she replied, "I like how we are learning all the time." I love watching my children pursue their interests. I am amazed at how different our three are one from the other. I do not always have an easy time with my children, and I am with them alot more than they are with their dad. Yet, the children know that my husband and I are a common front when it comes to their education. Jerry really encouraged me to breastfeed, and I joked with him that he just wanted to save the money on formula. Down deep I knew it gave him great pleasure and real satisfaction that I chose to raise the children in a very wholesome, relaxed way. When I finally got the courage to bring the girls home, he was again deeply appreciative. He still is.

I love the discussions my husband and I have about what we are learning and how we are doing it. Again, it is not always easy for us to find our way, but we turn to Mother Church. By staying faithful, we are faithful to our children. In turn, I love talking with my children. I do not talk at them much; that is, I am not spending my mornings "playing teacher". I am who I am, and I bring my gifts to bear on their education. I notice that if I leave them alone for long periods, they learn more. We spend a good amout of time each week learning together as a family.

I think home educating moms need time alone to pause and reflect on the journey. My husband is down the street "as we speak" at our neighborhood father-child campout, but two already came home. You know, one news flash from my end is this: my children and I love being at home alone and quiet. This notion that you "never get a break" is faulty because home education provides the time and space to learn to peacefully co-exist.

NOTES: I began my search for materials with the Catholic Heritage Curricula and have been so nourished by the writing and speaking of Rita Munn. Holly Pierlot's book, A Mother's Rule of Life, is one of my favorite resources so far. I also loved Susie Andres book, Homeschooling with Gentleness, A Catholic Discovers Unschooling. But, looking back, both of these books came into my hands as what I call an "affirmation", meaning that they affirmed what I was already doing, what I was already thinking. I do not read about someone's life, then go change everything. It is, I believe, a gift from our Lord that we are all valid. There are several approaches and each family has a unique charism that enables them to learn in the manner that fits their needs, talents and challenges. I loved the political and religious insights in Mary Kay Clark's book Catholic Home Schooling, and have found a lot of the Seton materials engaging. I peruse regularly Adoremusbooks.com.

Adoremus has the syllabi for various programs in all grades in all subjects. I do not follow a daily lesson plan split into subjects. I do cover the "four R's" (reading, writing, arithmetic and religion) as part of our morning prayer/saint of the day routine.

In writing this, I realize that I'd like to blog some of our favorite books. I am reading How America Began from Seton and love the Pauline sisters books on the saints. There is more, but I am getting tired. More later....

So much going on...

I just asked Jaybird to give me a title for this little reflection, and he said, "So much going on..." And, that is the truth. It is not busy-ness, however. Good stuff. Being with lots of people, living so much real-life learning, reading, cooking, playing, drawing, making new friends, visiting with old friends. A week from this coming Friday we will wrap up our fall TORCH coop session on the Environment. It has been a time of wonder and growth for all of us. I am low on being able to express the particulars right now, but high on gratitude for the blessings of this past month.

I love homeschooling and hope God gives me many more days of living in this way. It is such a fit for our family.

I'll close with a short prayer for my dear friend Mary-Gay who is laboring with her seventh child. St. Gerard, pray for her!

Thoughts speak louder than actions and words

It is commonly said that actions speak louder than words. Last night, I read advice from a priest who is a writer that the real thing are thoughts. We may be terse and hard-working, but where is our heart? In August, as part of my begin-the-academic-year prep reading, I perused The Well-Trained Mind, and it kept popping in my head that what I most desire for my family is that we pursue a well-formed heart. Americans do not tend to have a problem with laziness. We are a country of work horses. In my own family, there are several "rags to riches" success stories. The material is not the problem. Again, in my family, we boast intellectual success. So often, we avoid the truth that neither brains nor brawn can substitute for spirit. Man is half spirit and half flesh. Mother Teresa saw much "spiritual poverty" when she visited the US of A. What did she mean?

She meant that in the heart (the will) of each individual, there is a capacity for a certain surrender to God's will; and, further, that here in the ole US of A, she observed much evidence that we are a heartless culture. Our hearts are not in line with God's heart. We do not seek to follow the Lord of life. We, in the main, do not seek salvation and are not in need of a Savior. We seek self-reliance. To many folks, grace is neither a necessity nor, in many quarters, is it a reality.

The good news is that many Americans are people of faith. There is hope. There is love. I am in awe at the capacity for love that I see around me. I am blessed to live in an atypical suburban subdivision that is a real community. I am blessed to belong to a parish where love is in evidence. My local homeschooling groups are also lovers of God's ways. Wow! I choose the life of the heart over the life of the mind any day.

Back to thoughts and thinking....the Catechism of the Catholic Church defines the driving force behind most human thinking : it is concupiscence. I wish I had been taught that, if left to myself, I would fall and fall again in to sin. This tendency to sin is not washed away by Baptism; we are cleansed of original sin, but concupiscence remains and we battle it with the seven sacraments. There are no other weapons that are effective, and that is the clearest thought in the universe. It is a thought which is compelling. We are compelled to live lives of virtue not by our own effort. We are compelled to seek God and seek Him again and again and again. (So tiring this work of dying to self...)

I am in debt to the intercession of the Little Flower, St. Therese. A novena I said imploring her prayers back in 2001 produced a miracle for me and my family. I know I have to show up and be faithful. I know I have to desire holiness of life. I also know that I am a sinner, and without God's grace, without His Passion, His Church and His Sacraments, I would be a slave to sin.

While I am rattling on about the basics, I am very surprised at the lack of thought many Americans give to the three enemies of love: the world, the flesh and the devil. As my children get ready to go "trick or treating" (and that is another post), I know in my heart that prayer is the weapon that defends us against the continual onslaught of temptation. Temptation comes from our concupiscence (internal), the bad example of other humans (external) and the fallen angels (for the most part, only external).

As C.S. Lewis pointed out more than once, it is the great victory of the devils that people cease to believe in them, that they see them as harmless superstition or humorous folly. As All Hallows Eve approaches, may our hearts turn to Christ Jesus and His Mother, Queen of Angels. Soldiers are dying in wars that do not have to be fought. Babies and children die who could live and be cared for. People starve spiritually and materially who could be fed. The ill suffer who could be supported by their fellow man. Marriages break that could be mended. Families feud who could forgive.

Thought must be supported by the ongoing conversation with God that is prayer. In order for our thoughts to produce kind words and right action, it must be inspired by the Holy Spirit. There is no other way. There is no other training that is right or just. So much of what is wrong with our culture is rooted in impious thought.

Thanks be to God I did not get my way.

There are so many times, looking back, that I am thankful to God that I did not get my way. As my husband and I grow closer -- we are about to celebrate fourteen years of marriage -- I think he would agree that this would be true for many of our mutual desires and aspirations, as well. So, let's get down to some specifics. During the year 1999-2000, I entered the RCIA program at our parish dedicated to St. Andrew. I also enjoyed teaching three year olds at our parish preschool where Maggie, then three (and not in my class!) and, Joy-Beth, eighteen months, also attended. It was a relaxed schedule, three days a week from 9:00 a.m. to 12:30. We came home and ate lunch and all sacked out for a big nap. The next year was my neophyte year (the first year as a full-fledged Catholic), and I began to stress out about schooling and religion. I wanted the girls to go from K-12 to Catholic school, preferably on the same campus for all these years. Pinecrest Acedemy fit the bill, but it was far from our neighborhood and so very expensive.

So, I started lobbying the grandparents, hard, I might add. They were to be the patrons of this plan -- why would they not? Jerry and I spent alot of time writing the application, taking the girls to interviews and, to some success, we received support from the grandparents. Our children were accepted and we were set -- God and his lovely orthodox school would handle the rest! (And, a lovely, holy place Pinecrest remains to this day.)

God had other plans for us. We were to experience a "personal 9-11" right about the time of the New York event. I had become very sick after Jay's delivery in February of 2001. The summer before Maggie was to start kindergarten and Joy-Beth was to begin PK-4 at Pinecrest I was a very sick woman. I was pale and cold, incredibly cold. I was sluggish and yearned to rest. I kept saying that if I could just sleep for a month, I'd snap back to my normal, energetic self. God allowed tragedy to unfold in our family during the months that ensued, beginning that summer. I still get choked up revisiting this painful time.

The end result was that we had to pull back. Maggie finished the year at Pinecrest thanks to the generosity of friends who could drive when I could not. Joy-Beth left Pinecrest and was taken back at our parish preschool. My friend Teresa bought a car seat for her at a garage sale and became chaffeur to Joy-Beth during Mommy's prolonged illness. Mommy and Daddy soldiered on the best they could in the face of disaster. We clung to our faith. We both begged the Lord's presence, and, as always (eternally, in fact), He did not fail us.

There is more, so much more. Enough writing for now. I am grateful for the pain because it helped us to grow stronger.

Sweet Virgin Mary, hold my hand, take me to your Son who wants to embrace us even in our misery, especially in our misery. Mother of God, protect us from bitterness, lighten our load and teach us to make our hearts like unto your own Immaculate Heart. AMEN

Festival of Planets

I was just reading my journal and saw where, this time last year, we were heading to the library to check out books for our International Fair. Maggie chose Vietnam, Joy-Beth chose Ireland and Jay, much to everyone's delight created a make-believe country called "Jinga"

Now we are off to the library for a Sullivan family "Festival of Planets".

Awesome Poem

"If" by Rudyard Kipling
IF.....
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Surprise blessings

I think everyone struggles with how to balance planning/scheduling and being open to the surprise blessings God has in store for us. My arthritis does not permit us to sign up for 1,001 activities, so, it is often the case that I am "winging it". Older people and people with disabilities often know the pleasure of seeing each day as a gift. Of course, this is a generalization, but we, in the above category, tend to not get too attached to human planning. This is a good thing as it allows us to pray more and be open to what the Holy Spirit wills to bring us. I do make plans, set goals, and, like everyone, I love it when things run smoothly, and good plans stay on course. My big "ah-ha" is that this happens only through prayer. Our plans are carried off when they are a response to God in prayer.

When I get around to figuring out how to post photos on this blog, I will post some photos from our outings with Father James, our new friend. He is a dedicated priest who lives in loving service to our Lord. He is travelling, for the first time, away from his country of birth, Ghana. What a blessing he is to our family!

Thank you Mother Mary for your gentle guidance, your loving embrace and your power to encourage us in prayer. Often, sweet and holy Mother, we do not ask for enough. Help us to be at peace with our commitments, knowing that you will go to your Son, who is God, and He will give us grace sufficient for the tasks at hand. In Christ name, I pray, Amen.

What a woman!

Today I really needed some inspiritation. I am having one of those "too-many-irons-in-the-fire" moments. What a treasure is our faith! I am working on publishing a blog for our homeschool moms reading group and also for our family's learning/planning journal. I do not like to overschedule my family. We get stressed more easily than some and need lots of time outdoors, time to pray, to talk, to cook, to play with and tend to our animals and to work on projects in the home, garden and community. I want to keep the academics "small but strong," so as to maximize retention and solid communications skills. We have the gifts of music, math, science, religion, history and the arts in this family. I see us learning well when we do not spend too much time seeing these areas as separate subjects. There is clearly a time for this, in particular, with older students and adults.
So, I know this (click for full bio:) beautiful woman will pray for me. Blessed Maria Romero, pray for the Sullivans and pray for all families who strive to live lives of truth, beauty and goodness!

God's Secret Agents

I was asked last night, at a Fourth of July gathering, in which period of history would I least like to have lived? Because I am reading this book, I answered, "Elizabethan England."